Dear Lover

Dear Lover, 

My love, you want to come back home. You want once more to sleep in my bed. To be inside my head and be the main character in my dreams. How can that be? How can’t you see the pain that your words and actions had caused me? Aren’t my scars big enough? Isn’t my heart broken enough? 

You want me to forget about your misdoings, to let the past go, so we can move on as nothing had happened. Has if that was possible. Has if my fears can vanish with the same promises you have broken over and over again. There is nothing you can say that I haven’t heard already from your own lips. You praised your own memory but how can’t you remember your own lies? 

The money you said spent on me, you actually spent on poison. That only corrupt the love you said you had for me. Talking about poisons, mine was grass yours was snow white but our heads weren’t in the right space of mind. You say you didn’t enjoy seeing me weak and fragile but the moment I started to grow you panicked and more and more poison you use and more and more I felt you were pulling me down. 

I know I sound cruel, and I most confessed that not everything was bad. That’s why saying goodbye is so hard. Also, it’s the reason why I still hold on to you and you to me. We are toxic for each other. We know it. But we are masochists. We don’t like to admit it because we like pain.  Must at some point one of us has to say enough and say goodbye. I know you aren’t going to do it. You love me way too much. It must be me, I’m not ready but I have to say it, goodbye.

I’m holding to my sanity with my teeth and nails. I can’t be your rock when I’m not even stable. You try to hold me tight to you because you don’t want to lose me, but by doing so you only push me away farther away. I can’t continue playing this game we are playing. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, I will always do in my own way. You safe me from my own demons as same as I tried to do it for you. I don’t know if I fail but I know if I allow you to stay I will lose myself. 

I have to say goodbye and break your heart before you break my mind. I’m not as strong as I look. You think too highly of me, and I can find a way to trust the words that come out of your mouth. I wish we could be friends, but only time will tell.  

Goodbye, My Dear-Lover 

From a Broken Heart to Another…